So after 15 almost 16 years of marriage Jason and I knew that we needed a change.  We had been through so much in our lives and that there was so much baggage that we had going on and hurt we knew at this point we needed some change.  The Christmas of 2009 we left our church were planted.  I was the nursery coordinator and my husband was involved in the ministry as well.  We just one Sunday were so hurt bad enough finally that we just said we were not going back.

We didn't know what our next steps were going to be and for a few months we didn't do anything.  Until one Sunday our kids started asking if we were going to go to church.  We started to think well this isn't just about us we have our kids that also have a need for God as well.  So we wanted to start over.  We started our search for our new "home".  We would try out a church for a couple weeks to see if our family liked it or not.  It was really hard for our little one because she really didn't like many places.  She would cry and not want to let us go.  So usually one of us would have to be with her and then trade off the next week.

Then finally when we were ready to give up hope we decided to give it one last chance.  We looked up on the internet one last time and we found one more.  We thought we had heard of this place before and we found out that one of my husband's uncles attended the church.  So we got ready and went to check it out.  Our kids loved it.  We didn't have to stay with our daughter, we didn't get a call to get her, we both sat and listened to a message for the first time together in years.  It was amazing.  And the topic we heard that day made us both cry.  We knew this was our new home.  We knew we were broken and this was the place where God brought us that day when we were ready to give up hope.

Ever since we walked through the doors we have started to have healing in our hearts.  We have started to get involved in serving, helping others, just doing whatever is needed.  We have started some special projects and we have just loved every minute of it.  We have been apart of and started many small groups.  We have just loved meeting others and connecting.  It has been so great to grow and share with others.

Along this journey I have still felt like there is a part of me (us) that just still was not healed.  A part that was still broken.  No matter how much we got involved it didn't solve what was originally broken.  So one day I came out of the service during the songs crying.  Later as we were wrapping up to go home I saw my pastor's wife and just asked her to pray for me.  She did right there.  She didn't know what was happening in my life but she gave me 2 resources.  Before I could even write them down I had forgot them.  I got home and got in contact with her and she gave them to me again.  1 was a book to read and another was a website to a marriage ministry.  The RefineUS.org ministry.  What I didn't know then was that this ministry and their resources and book would be the underlying part in our dialogue in our marriage.

Late one night after putting the kids down we first started a year ago to read the 8 Things That Destroyed Our Marriage.  As we read it we just saw our marriage layed out right in front of us.  We saw some of our biggest problems, fights, and things we didn't know how to handle right there layed out for us and someone else was talking about it too and going through it too.

We first started our discovery about prayer.  Praying together and being selfish.  How do 2 amazing people with 2 amazing kids raised in the church and growing in leadership roles in the church have a family with all these issues?  How do we talk about them to each other?  How do we bring up all the baggage and not want to just end it all?  How do you get there?  What are some of the thing in a marriage that make it just hit rock bottom like that?  Prayer is one of the most talked about things but it is also one of the most over looked things.

We started to realize that we are trying to lead a good family founded on God.  We were always involved in the church and helping people find their way back to God, praying for people, praying for people in our small group, praying for our friends in hard times, over their marriages...yet there was a barrier in our marriage when it came to praying for each other.  It is totally embarrassing.  When I did pray for Jason I would pray in a selfish way that God would change him open his eyes because he didn't see his way or that he was doing something wrong and I didn't like it.

When things started to change and go for the worse in our marriage I realized that I was the one that needed to change...even if Jason never changed.  I was in desperate need for something drastic to happen and I needed God to change my life and change me.  Marriage is emotional and yes it is physical but more than anything it should also be spiritual and if we don't make that important in our lives and marriage our foundation for an amazing relationship will be broken.  It will begin to eroded away.

When Jason and I got married, it wasn't so we would have someone to just be with for the rest of our lives.  We got married because we were friends and liked spending time together.  We couldn't imagine not being together because we loved being together.  We loved thinking about one another.  We loved doing just about everything together.  All of these things are still true for us today, and I am so thankful.  What is interesting to me is to see others or watch other people talk about their marriage or complain like they had to get married or are stuck in it for the rest of their lives.  How does that just happen to people?  How can you just marry someone you don't really even have a connection with?

I think back to when things all started for us.  When we first met and it was at some friends going away to college party.  Jason saw me and he said he knew right then he liked me and wanted to talk to me.  He didn't know how.  He had just come from trying to play tennis and so he would bounce the tennis ball to me to have be get it for him (over and over).  It was his way to have me maybe talk to him.  For me I was just bothered that someone just kept doing it over and over and never said anything to me.  I found out later that he asked about me.  I didn't pay to much attention because I didn't even know or remember who he was or what he looked like.  Well then a few weeks later we met again and this time he took me home and we sat in my front yard talking and talking for hours.  This is when it all started.  We connected and became friends and from then on we would continue to go out together.

After a year or so I was in college and he was working for a large technology company traveling a lot.  Things were getting more serious.  We would hang out together and with other friends that were dating and it just seemed and felt so natural for us to be together.  As time went on I think Jason started to get scared a little.  Not sure if this is what we are suppose to be doing at this point on one of his trips he started to talk to one of his older married friends about his feelings.  He told him and confirmed for him that what he was feeling was natural and that it was a good thing.  After some thinking and things he called me and asked me to marry him.   This was shocking to me being so young but well I didn't know what to do but I knew that well I loved him and he was my best friend and well I didn't see my life without him so well I said "yes".

Well after we got married it seemed the "honeymoon stage" didn't last long.  Our friends looked up to us to be an example to them and we were look at to show them how we were doing this and putting this all together.  We went through some tough things together medically and with our families that well we kinda had to grow up fast.  It was hard on us being so young and being put in this position to have it all together for everyone.  To be put in the spot to be giving advice, going to things that well we thought we were just to young for but people expected us to, had couples over for dinner and were expected to have a "Martha Stewart" type home it was just to hard.  Some how we did this and I know it put a strain on us to be "perfect" and to have it all together.

Finally we had to decide that well we just could not keep doing this.  It just wasn't us.  We had to do what we wanted and to be ourselves.  We could not have and keep putting things on for people that expected so much from us.  Of course we love our friends dearly but well we could not make everyone happy and ourselves.  We then felt like some people put up a guard against us.  I think back and wonder if things would be different if people would still talk to us, still treat us the same, kept being apart of our lives if we would have not changed our lives.  I wonder if after changing habits and being more positive if in the end we can get to know each other again?  I miss some of my old friends.