So I have a friend that I just don't understand sometimes.  I mean I am pretty black and white when it comes to thinking but well he is a ton of grey I think.  He is still single at my age and I have known him for ages it seems.  But well he does some crazy things sometimes.  For one he met up with a girl that he found somewhere I forget and she has a kid.  He found out about the kid after a couple times together.  And well after those first couple times he knew he didn't want to continue things with her but well she didn't get the clue.  Well for over a year now she has text him and things telling him things like she is moving, what she is cooking for dinner, all sorts of stupid stuff.  But the really stupid one is that she as been out of state for months now and she just asked my friend if she could move in with him for a little bit til she found a place.  Come on lady he doesn't text you back and doesn't like you why try to have something that isn't there.  And he has nicknamed you to all his friends "crazy lady".

I also wonder why people who are young or well friends of mine that well I see that don't have insurance or just don't get sick very often not know how to take care of themselves.  If you have a cough that goes deep into your chest you don't fix it by taking Tylenol PM.  That will just make you sleepy and if you can sleep through all the coughing.  Why don't people just go to the store and talk to the pharmacist even at Rite Aid, Walgreen's, Wallmart, etc. and they are happy to help you understand what is out there on the shelves that can help you.  That is what they are there for too so ask.  Or ask a friend that you trust.  But come on you aren't going to get better if you don't treat the cold or symptoms.  It drives me nuts to see my friends do things like this to themselves.  And to see even my husband try to take Gatorade to rehydrate himself after throwing up.  You don't want to use Gatorade because it has sugar.  Use things like water, propel, and other things to get fluids into you again. 

These days I have been working hard to try and find some middle ground.  For years even before we had kids I tried to talk and come up with a plan to have a middle ground for raising our kids.  And for years I have tried to work hard to be better with my temper and things and to be more calm about things so that we have a better middle ground. 

Well with all of this work, years, and things tried and gone by failed I just don't know what to do.  Things for years I have been able to keep to myself and deal with but these days with having kids and a family it is harder to hide things.  It isn't that I am not trying to keep it to myself but well people feel it, know, and can tell that something is up.

It hurts when your mom starts to notice and worry about you and hopes that things will be OK.. She knows I am strong and will fight and take care of things but she wants to let me know she is there for me.  It is one of the first times in my life that I have felt good about my mom being there for me and supporting me.

I want to raise my kids like my dad raised me with love but with strenght and discipline.  He was a great dad and guy.  He was a great example and I want to be an example like that to my kids.  I want to be strong and to be there for them and to love them always.  He was like a big teddy bear but you respected him.  He was a high school teacher, football coach, and so much more.  Everyone loved him and remembers him.  And yes that is what I live up to and want to be like a loving, caring parent, but one that my kids know when they have done wrong.

But I worry because in our house it is divided and where I try to show my kids one way my husband is different.  And the kids know it and sometimes take advantage of that. It is really hard when my little one throws a fit in public or something to see how he handles it. The kids are one way for him, one way for me, but together it is a mess at times.  And sometimes when things get really bad and he is trying to deal with it but it isn't going well he takes them to me and says now you have to tell your mom what you did.  And he turns it then to me to finish it and deal with it.  It is hard when this happens because then what is this telling the kids?  I get stressed, embarrased, want to cry, and so many feelings it is just hard to deal with.

I want a middle ground but I don't know what to do to find one.  I know I am trying really hard to have great kids but I know this is just really hard.

Well I had to have surgery this year the first week of Jan to remove an ovarian cyst.  We found out about the cyst in 2010 when I doubled over in pain one day. I had tests and ultrasounds run to check on the size and it was large and kept growing.  So they decided it needed to come out.  They wanted to take it out in December but I asked if I was going to die from it and if it could wait til Jan or something because I didn't want to do it during the holidays.  So we waited.

So come the first week of Jan I went in for surgery and in hopes of an easy surgery to do an arthroscopic surgery to remove the cyst and maybe the ovary too.  But that isn't what could happen.  They got in there and because of to much scar tissue from my 2 c-sections and hysterectomy just a few years ago it made for a more difficult surgery.  It took over an hour and 20 min for the doctor to cut all the scar tissue from all of my organs (stomach, intestines, bowels, tummy wall, everywhere).  I feel like a train hit me or a rotor rooter went through me.  It hurts so much. 

When the doctor was finished with the surgery he came out the see my husband and my mom and told them about the surgery.  He also told them that I must have been in a lot of pain for a long time and just covered it up very well,  It was a long and rough surgery. I am going to have a rough recovery.

So far coming home though I have been trying to recover and relax. I know I hurt and am in pain but well I have a family that needs things.  It is hard to be home and well I sometimes think that just because I look good even without makeup or take time to put it on, brush my hair, put clothing on that people think that I am OK.  Well those things to do sometimes to do my hair and get dressed take me hours now not just a few minutes.  But what I need people to remember is that I am hurt no matter if I get dressed and ready for the day.  I don't want to look like trash or smell when my friends or family come to see me so I am sorry for cleaning myself up a bit.

But I am in no way ready to function at top speed.  And sometimes I even think my own family forgets this.  They think I can do the dishes, laundry, clean up, put things away, go shopping, you name it just like I use to.  We I am sorry but I can't.  It hurts me and I am not doing well.  But so far everyone thinks oh she is out of the hospital and looks good or almost back to normal so she is fine.  Well I am sorry they didn't cut my face off they cut my tummy off instead.  And it really hurts.

I have had do the best I can as a mom and get my kids clothing and have my little one help herself get dressed.  I have had to do my best to pick up and clean when and where I can.  I have had to take shifts at folding laundry.  I have had my son help me bring the laundry up and down and get it started.  But I have to switch machines.  I have had to sweep and mop.  Thank goodness for a robot vacuum and a little hand held vac. 

I am getting by trying to sit as much as I can, taking a chair outside to watch my kids sledding, and trying to rest but be apart of my family.  And I am taking my pain meds.  So I will keep being strong and making it through this and I will recover some how some day.  I just hope people know that I am human and have pain too and am doing the best I can.

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Dolce & Gabbana The Velvet Collection Fragrances

I go bonkers whenever a new fragrance hits the scene, so when I found out that Dolce & Gabbana released a collection of six new scents, I had to share! Chicly dubbed The Velvet Collection, this assortment bears the same qualities as its namesake luxurious fabric—timeless perfection and modern possibility.

A bouquet of aromas, The Velvet Collection perfumes—including Sublime, Love, Desire, Vetiver, Wood and Patchouli—range from sweet to woody to floral—all the better to please your nose, my dear! Like an invisible must-have accessory, narrow down the Dolce & Gabbana concoction that speaks to you the most, then spritz it on as a finishing touch to every look. Scentsational!
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