Sometimes I haven't known how to know how I feel about things in life.  But I have found that a word broken is a good way to sometimes describe how I feel.  There are events in my life in my past and in my present that have made me feel this way.  It is a hard feeling to have and ways very heavy somedays. 

I have thought that having a family stand by me.  Having a strong family full of traditions is what I have needed to make this feeling better.  I have thought at times that trying hard to make people happy and comfortable is what I need to do.  Among many other things I am but well none of these things are what makes a person happy or un-broken. 

The only think I know that these days that has been making me confortable is the comfort in serving and ministry.  I love going to church.  But sometimes finding the right one that fits is hard.  I have attened a church for most of my life with my family.  There were only a couple of times that I didn't.  One was when my parents left with some other families to start a church plant.  And another time was when I was in high school and I attended another church that I liked.  Well since then I stayed and did for my family.  After my dad died I really dove into children's ministry and well that is what I loved. 

Well after having my own kids and deciding that the drive and needing to find something a little closer so that they could be in programs and that I could be involved with other women I decided to tell my mom I wanted to look for other churches.  Plus my daughter didn't like going to her class alone and wanted me to stay with her every week.  I hadn't been to a service in 8-9 years.  So well I needed something in my life.  So we started looking.  We started trying out a few churches. 

Well we thought we started to find one but after finding out more about the church we found that they didn't believe quite what we did and were looking for.  So we kept looking...until one day we found a church.  It was different and challenged everything normal.  But we fell in love.  And so did our kids.  Of course I love and miss the little ones so I signed up and serve with the little ones every other week and love it.  But some times I wonder what more I could do.

Well now our church is starting 4 new campus sites this fall.  At first I wasn't so excited and well the only reason why and I hope that my pastors will get me sometime.  I am not the norm on this.  But I just really like the relationship a pastor has with his church, the ones that attend, the ones that serve, I like to see them and to know them.  I know that churches can be big and small.  But so can all things in the world.  I just want to be given the chance to get to know them more because I think so far from the short time of attending and serving that they are great and wonderful guys.  Ones that maybe our family would like to know more.  That is all.  God never set limits on his friends and I don't either and hope they don't either.  I just want to be given a chance. 

I need to have guidence and to know that I have a safe place with good people who will honestly love and care for someone that is scared and broken.